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January 03rd, 2011

I spent the last couple weeks of the year in Michigan, the land of over-bent faded titleist golf hats. After a solid weekend of astonishing Michiganders with my futuristic (post 1998) haircut and disapproval of backpack rap, I cruised to the west side of the state to spend some time with Lake Michigan and my buddies Pat Scerri and Oren Kosherberg. Below was my gear for two days straight:

The highlight of the adventure included watching Oren being displeased with his Walleye, enjoying the comforts of a couple of Knob Creeks at the Butler, and hiking through sand dunes in winter with Pat Scerri in a tobogan suit. Here’s a clip from the excursion, may as well have been Antarctica.

(CLICK IMAGE FOR VIDEO)

Top ten list of what to do in case you drive through an apocalyptic blizzard:

1. Prior to arriving at your blizzard destination, make sure your last meal was $17 worth of Taco Bell.

2. When stuck on a closed highway for three hours, pass the time by regailing stories of how your best buddies may have contracted syphillis.

3. Before you attempt to drive a chinatown bus, make sure to dig out the wheels from the snow using the lids from the safety barrels on the highway median.

4. Direct traffic of incredibly frightened humans into the abyss of New Jersey.

5. When low on fuel, make sure your gas station attendant is a racist profiteer.

6. Drive your car, in reverse, for at least a half-mile uphill while dodging abandoned automobiles.

7. Convince an African taxi driver who has never seen snow in his life that he should hand over the wheel to someone from Michigan, then proceed to ram his vehicle through piles of snow.

8. Stop to deuce in the Pavonia-Newport mall.

9. Upon arriving in New York, drink til 1pm to celebrate your triumphant victory through the elements.

10. Believe you lost your wallet helping people in the snow, then come to realize you misplaced it under your toilet while you were intoxicated.

Footage of the event below: